Insomnia Sucks.

Tonight I lay here unable to sleep. Too many small things on my mind that my mind won’t shut off. For example for every thing I check off our pcs list I find two new things to add. Like checking off being cleared by medical and dental (yay) but finding out I need to figure out how to renew my driver’s license before we move because it expires next year and now I have to figure out plans for this summer. Since all of the pet spaces are booked through June, Jeremy and I have decided that he is going to go ahead of me and I’ll join him in September/ October with the cats. So that leaves me in an awkward limbo stage of what to do. If we have DMO pack the house when he leaves the furniture should be there by the time I get there. But that means I have to either live in an empty house all summer (not happening), live with one of my parents (but I know neither really wants two extra cats in their house for four or five months even if they say other wise. I know its a lot to accept), or try and rent a room here in town or up there. I prefer the rent a room here in town so I can try to hang out with my friends while I still can and hopeful get a job again soon. Now that the clearance stuff is over I have alot more free time. I miss working. I don’t know how to be a stay at home wife. I don’t know how  it is to not have my own money coming in. I don’t know what its like to not now how to answer the question “so what do you do?”. I don’t feel like I’m a good enough blogger to claim to be one yet. I’m not in college even though I plan to go back this fall (which brings up another list of questions that I will save for later) so I can’t call myself a student. My dog treat business isn’t big enough for me to claim it and its kind of on hold until after the move anyways. So what am I? In Japan it will easier for people to accept the term stay at home wife or homemaker whatever you want to call it because it will be hard to get a job there. Stateside though I feel like I don’t have an excuse on why I’m jobless and childless. I feel like I should be doing something.

And then there is the whole college thing. What do I go to school for. I would prefer something in the medical field but I would need to have some where to do my training at. I doubt that will happen in Japan. And I don’t want to do the first year or so and then wait a year or so to do the training. I won’t be at my best at that point. So then do I go into school for writing because I love to write stories but do I love it enough to make it a career? Or do a I get a business degree to help me start a business when we are stateside or use it to get back into retail. Or do I get a degree in childcare as the EFMP rep advised me to do because they could use someone like me with all my nanny skills. But I don’t think I want to be an educator or work in a daycare or even nanny after I start having kids.

Thoughts like these keep me up tonight. And there goes Jeremy’s alarm… Time to start my day…

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Ridtzify says:

    Oh my… Insomnia is indeed a terrible thing. I know how it feels… Especially if you have so many things to think about, in your case tons of it. I hope it won’t affect your health thou.. I was on sleeping meds for a while to get this insomnia thingy of my back. Well, you have a lot of choices to make reading from this post of yours. Hope you’ll make the right one and a good one.. Take care…

    Like

  2. Mariposaoro says:

    Oh.. I get like this too.. Meditation and prayer beads help.. Just repeat a small mantra whilst doing so.

    As for nannying and other daycare services, if you don’t want to do it, find something else that can earn you money and leave you with free time to look after yourself and the bubbas when you have them!! Remember as well, that the thyroid condition gets worse with stress!!

    Like

  3. Mariposaoro says:

    Reblogged this on Mariposaoro's Blog and commented:
    Insomnia is a terrible thing!..

    Like

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